Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
