talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you made out with another girl for some wings
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
