but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
