Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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