I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
