I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
