the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
