Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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