I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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