mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
