to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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