I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize