The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
