I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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