Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
