She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
