Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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