I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
