um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
