I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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