My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
