Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
