I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
