I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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