she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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