I think I died a long time ago.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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