Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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