Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
