even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
