She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
