My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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