Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
