Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I deserve this hangover.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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