im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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