I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
