wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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