I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
