Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
