Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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