I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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