The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
