I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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