I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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