From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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