my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
