In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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