took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
