so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
