i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Success! We fucked roommates!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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