dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
