Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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