If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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