Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
