normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
