i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
