You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
