he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
