You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
