Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
