after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
