Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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