I have demons in me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A+ Viking dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
