Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this is an emotional support booty call
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
