At least make sure they are 18
Why
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
