so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
