I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
