we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
