hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
