Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
