his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
