i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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